My Future... my present... my past...

I'll be graduating soon in July 09... what am I going to do after that? Stay on and work in the UK? go back to Malaysia? visit Japan? sigh... I don't feel like I wanna think about it... Why can't we stay young forever? lol

The plans I have after i graduate is to stay on in the UK till my student visa finishes in September. During that time I guess I'll move down to Manchester or Leeds and maybe work part-time while trying to secure a full time job. Looking at the fact that the world is suffering from credit crunch and economy downfall at the moment...what are my chances? I'll just have to keep on praying that things will turn out for the better :)

Right now, all that's left to do is to study, assignments, study, assignments, and the list goes on... Its hard to imagine that I arrived in the UK not long ago and I'm already at the end of my degree course! It's even harded to imagine that I've left highschool about 6 years ago... roflmao time passes so quickly it's scary!

I miss my family and friends back home so much I'm beginning to doubt my choice of coming to the UK. Anyway, putting regret aside, I'm really thankful on the other hand that I'm given this opportunity to study here. Ironic as it seems, I like and hate this place at the same time lol.

My time in UK has been filled with lots of drama and emotions. Staying with other housemates, working together as coursemates, stuff like that I can admit is not really something I'm good at. It's because we stay together and see each other everyday that we begin to take each other for granted. I'm not pointing fingers but here I admit that I for one, am like that. There are times I just want to stay in my room and isolate myself. Here I have also learned that it's not easy living alone far away from your family. In times like these, friends are really important. Again, it's not easy to please everybody, there are times I try my best to please people and in return I end up hurting and making others angry at me. I'll just like to apologise if I've pissed anyone off. XD

Ah...moving on to my past... I thought that leaving Malaysia and coming over to the UK to start anew would relieve me of the memories. I was wrong... they continue to haunt me even when I'm far away from where it all started and ended. Will I ever forget you? Will I ever be able to let you go?

Manchester 13th to 15th April 2009

Finally!

FINALLY!

yes... finally I'm about to visit Old Trafford, a place I've only see on the telly since I was a Man Utd fan. Come to think of it, I still pinch myself when I think about the fact that I've visited the Theater of Dreams! hmm okok enough about that, lol XD

Having Easter holidays at the moment for 3 weeks...argh...assignments and a final project write up thats dued on the 1st of of May! anyways, albeit the fact that I'm stressed up over work, I've managed to slot in a Manchester trip somewhere in between the holidays :D

Well, thanks to a childhood friend of mine Nicholas, I've decided to take time off studying and visit him down in Manchester. Took the bus at 11.45pm and stopped by Leeds. Tried to look up Jason but he was busy and I guess it was because I called him really last minute lol. Anyways, arrived later in Manchester at about 4.30pm and met good ol' Nick at the bus terminal. He told me we were gonna have Korean dinner that night and coincidently, I've been really into K-pop music lately..hmm XD

Walked abit around the city center, Manchester really is an awesome city... again I'm comparing it to little Sunderland *tsk tsk* Met up with 3 new friends at the Korean restaurant "Koreana" lol. Joyce, Wendy, and the last girl I can't quite recall what her name was... Wen Yi, Wen Yee sorry! XD



Dinner was awesome as I had a beef bimbim bab :D Got home to Nick's student apartment around 9 to 10pm. Gosh it's so different from my place, I wont post any picture just to respect his privacy lol. =D Spent the night chit-chatting, dota-ing, and reminiscing bout the good times. Seriously Nick has never changed since we left elementary school... same jolly ol' Nick lol.

Woke up really early the next day to catch a bus to Old trafford... I woke up at like freakin' 7.30am! I've never gotten up earlier than 8am since like forever, anyways arrived in Old Trafford and I was left speechless in amazement and awe. The stadium is so majestic, it emits some kinda aura that leaves you rooted to your feet and only able to stare at it... okok I know thats alittle exaggerated but that's how I felt! XD


We got our little stadium tour tickets and moved on into the stadium museum to get ready for the 9.40am tour. The tour guide arrived not long after that and started taking us around the stadium grounds. The tour started at one of the stands and there he briefed us on Manchester United's early history and a little on how Old Trafford was built. We later moved on to places like the stands for the disabled, the dugout, player changing rooms, and to the side of the pitch. Everything felt like a dream as I was touring around the stadium... I mean like, Ronaldo, Rooney, Giggs, Scholes actually change in this room bla bla, had refreshments in the other bla bla, walked down this very same tunnel bla bla XD



The tour ended about an hour later and we were left with our own time at the megastore and the museum. Without wasting much time, I moved on to the museum and I was smiling to myself the whole time! Manchester United memorilibias! Boots, jerseys, trophies, you name them, they've got them all the way from when the club was formed to the present day. Awards and sections dedicated to outstanding players were all on display. It was like walking down a time tunnel as I went from floor to floor exploring and reliving Manchester United's glorious past and present.




Lots of photos can be found in my facebook :D

After Old Trafford, we went for lunch at a 2 michelin star restaurant, Michael Caines. The food was awesome as expected from a reknowned chef! I'm not really a food blogger so I'll just keep the taste to myself lol. Spent some time at the restaurant chit-chatting before going to Trafford Center, a shopping mall that looks really like KL's 1 Utama. Lots of crazy shit branded stuff here and I got myself an t-shirt here just to remind myself that I was in Manchester :p




Had dinner at TGIF and it was hilarious... Nick ordered some drink and it was tasteless. He told the waitress to get him another one and this time it was a slight improvement to the previous one although it was the same drink. Later on he ordered a steak and he asked for it be medium. The steak came and it tasted like it was basked with a lot of salt, and I mean really alot lol. Again he asked for them to make another one for him. This time it came and it tasted like steak but it was well done! Rofl, for the 3rd time he called the waitress but instead, the manager came. He asked for Nick's opinion on what he and the TGIF staff should do to make Nick pleased. At the end they came to a mutual agreement to scrape the steak off the bill but Nick could go on eating the "well done" steak. Sigh, free dinner that costs 13 pounds!



Went back home and I fell asleep really early although we planned to go dimsum at midnight, sorry Joyce and Wendy! I guess my body's just not used to getting up at 7am+ lol. Woke up on the last day of my trip and had breakfast served by Nick XD was wondering why they weren't having any and I came to know that they were going to have dimsum for lunch arghh... how unfair is that!

Well, thanks alot Nick, Joyce, and Wendy for making my short Manchester trip fun and memorable! You guys take care yea!

Arrived back in Sunderland around late evening and back to the books!

Our Journey

This song was introduced to me by Samantha, "Our Journey" performed by J-pop artist Melody. The lyrics really touched me and here I want to share with you all.

Our Journey

I've seen you before
In the back of my memory
I looked in your eyes
And felt the truth in me


You're finally here
Been waiting so long
You took my hand
And told me to believe

Now I know that you are the answers to my prayers and
You are my warmth and my strength, I'm not afraid now
Time will soon embrace our bound destiny
I'll spread my wings and fly to where I belong
This is our journey

You picked me up
From the shadows of pain
How was I to know
That I would love again

So I know that often our minds maybe misleading
But my heart is not willing to stop, I feel it burning
Time will soon embrace our bound destiny
I'll spread my wings and fly to where I belong

It hurts to be untrue
To what I've gained through you
I cannot live forever
I know that I belong to only you...

So I know that often our minds maybe misleading
But my heart is not willing to stop. I feel it burning
Time will soon embrace our bound destiny
Unfold my wings and I'm flying to you...

Now I know that you are the answers to my prayers and
You are my warmth and my strength, I'm not afraid now
Time will soon embrace our bound destiny
So spread my wings and I'm flying to you,
Cause I know that where I belong is with you,
And my heart will flourish on moments that I'm...
With you.

Proposal Daisakusen

Iwase Ken

Yoshida Rei

Drama Title: Proposal Daisakusen
Episodes: 11
Synopsis:
Iwase Ken and Yoshida Rei have been friends since elementary school. Ken, is obstinate and unskilled in love, but he fell in love long ago for the lively and cheerful, Rei. But Rei is about to get married to another man. While Ken and other friends from high-school attend the wedding ceremony, a fairy appears and sends Ken back in time, giving him a second chance to win the girl he loves.

THIS POST CONTAINS minor SPOILERS

I watched this drama last year and finally decided to blog about it. A very touching drama. The plot made me think alot about love and friendship. If I were to attend the-girl-I-love's wedding, how will I feel? Not only that, she is my first love and the only girl I've really ever loved. In this drama, the main staring, "Iwase Ken" failed to convey his feelings to the girl, "Yoshida Rei".

People/books/television tell us that if we do not tell or express our feelings to others, they will not know what we are thinking about. We will also not know the results. For example, if you were angry with someone and never showed any signs of anger to that person, surely he/she won't know if you are angry right? I guess this also applies to love. We have to let the opposite party know that we like or love him/her. But how would we know when is the right time? How will we know the result? Will I face rejection? Will he/she hate me? Seriously I don't know and I too fear the result.

Back to the drama, Ken is sent back to the past and is given a chance to express his love for Rei. This drama has 11 episodes so he has 10 chances which are explained in each episode. I bet there was a time when we would think, "If only I could go back in time...then I could bla bla". I for one am that kinda person. I would always think, "if I could back and patch things up, or if I could go back and changed that scenario/situation, I wouldn't be in regret now..." Many songs have lyrics that mention about being trapped in the past, unable to move on and stuff like that. So it seems that everybody is holding on to a part of their past. Why? I think maybe because it is important or special to them.

Now I wonder to myself, "Do memories fade with time?" "Do new memories overwrite the old ones?"

I'll just post whatever I'm feeling so I can look back and laugh. I know that I've moved on with my life, but seriously I feel that I've left a part of me somewhere in the past. I tried so hard over the years to erase them from my RAM, but they seem to be "protected". Unable to erase them, I had to move on and always reminisce about it. It's painful, it's sad, but it was a great memory. How would I put it, hmm...it had a bittersweet taste to it, almost like chocolate.

The years have gone by and I've seen you grow up. Moving on further into the future, I really feel that there will come a time when I can look back and tell myself, I'm glad that it was you. I'm thankful that it was you. I'm blessed that it was you. Seeing you everyday was painful and happy. People say that, "when you really love a person, it doesn't matter if you're not with them but as long as they're happy." I used to think this was bullshit. However in my life, I finally understood what this meant. Seeing you happy, I felt that happiness in me too. You were so near, yet so far beyond my reach.

So back again to the drama, Ken was at the girl's wedding. He was also asked by Rei to give a testimony during the ceremony. I mean, wow...you love that girl who is getting married to another man, and you have to give a testimony. Torture? Honor? If it was me, I don't think I can do it. Anyway, I ever thought to myself, what if you were to attend your ex-gf's wedding? would it be weird? would it be awkward? lol

to be continued...

First Love~

The last kiss tasted like tobacco, a bitter and sad smell...

Tomorrow at this time, where will you be? who will you be thinking about?

You are always gonna be my love... even if I were to fall in love with someone, once again i'll remember to hold on because you taught me how.

You are always gonna be the one. Now it's still a sad song until I can sing a new one.

The stalled time is about to start moving and there are many things that I don't want to forget about.

Tomorrow at this time, I will probably be crying and I will probably be thinking about you.

You will always be inside my heart. It is forever only for you and I hope that I have a place in your heart too. Now and forever you are still the one...it's still a sad song now until I can sing a new one.

You are always gonna be my love, even if I fall in love with someone once again, I'll remember to hold on you because you taught me how.

You are always gonna be the one

now and forever...

My Stupiak Best Friend~

Looking through some old and new photos, I came to realise that I've been missing something over the months and years... my stupiak best friend~

She was somebody I could really talk to, somebody I could rely on, somebody who just smile and tell me that everything will be alright...

But because of my emotions, the fact that I fell in love with my stupiak best friend, I was blinded and decided that the only way to heal my pain was to forget her and to try not to get involved with her anymore...

I was wrong, it worked out fine over the months initially but right now I finally came to understand, that life would not be complete without this special person. If only I said the right words, if only I did the right things, if only I was stronger...

With this I hope we can start all over and rebuild that lost but not forgotten stupiak relationship...

"If this farewell is the beginning of a new journey, I'll smile as much as I can for you..."

A Meaningful Song

All final year students:

Teachers brought us up, as well as our fathers and mothers.
Now all of us are graduating from the Youryuu Female Academy High School, and once more we offer our gratitude. From here on, everybody will make progress along this road, one at a time. Today's promotion we will never forget.
From tomorrow onwards, we will walk forward.

*Conversation between the two girls*

Girl 1: From this moment onwards, a year later or 5 years, or even 10 years...no matter how many years pass by, how do you think we'll remember today?

Girl 2: Hmmm... I have no idea.

Girl 1: "Ahhh, that was so sad," even now I can pretty much remember the same feeling. Even so, as I remember that, everyone will become so busy or maybe wonder, "I guess that was kinda sad."

Girl 2: I won't forget, ever.

Girl 1: They left for home already, It's too early!

Girl 2: I want to stop time.

Girl 1: What?

Girl 2: I want things to stay forever this way.

Girl 1: Well then... shall we go say goodbye?

Girl 2: To who?

Girl 1 : To the school, you coming?

Girl 2: I'll stay here a little longer.

Girl 1: Ok, well I'll see you later.

Sakura no Hanabira-tachi 2008 (performed by AKB48)

kyoushitsu no madobe ni waurara kana hidamari
ato wazuka no haru no KARENDAA
jugyou chuu miwataseba onaji seifuku kita
nakama tachi ga otona ni mieru

sorezore no mirai e to
tabidatte iukunda ne
sono senaka niyume no hane ga haeteru~

sakura no hanabira tachi ga saku koro
dokoka de kibou no kane ga narihibiku
watashitachi ni asu no jiyuu
toyuuki wo kureru wa

sakura no hanabira tachi ga saku koro
dokoka de dareka ga kitto inotteru
atarashii sekai no DOA wo
jibun no sono te de hiraku koto~

kenka shite denwa shite naita koto atta ne
nayan da hi ga naze ka natsukashii
yorokobi mo kanashimi mo furimukeba michinori
donna toki mo hitori janakatta

sotsugyou shashin no naka
watashi wa hohoen de
sugiru kisetsu miokuritai SAYONARA~

namida no hanabira tachi ga harahara
kono hoho wo nagare ochite aruki dasu
aoi sora wo miage ookiku
shinkokyuu shi nagara

namida no hanabira tachi ga harahara
omoide no sono bun dake utsukushiku
me no mae no otona no kaidan
issho ni nobotte te wo furou~

English Translation

By the window in the classroom is a bright, sunny spot.
The Spring calendar doesn't have much space left on it
During class, I look around and although we're wearing the same school uniform,
everybody looks like an adult.

With each of our own future,
we start our trip on each of our backs and grow the wings of our dreams~

Each time the cherry blossom petals bloom,
The bell of hope resounds somewhere,
It gives us the freedom and courage for tomorrow.

Each time the cherry blossom petals bloom,
Someone, somewhere is surely praying,
To be able to open the door to a new world with their own two hands~

There were times when we fought, called each other, and cried
Why do those troubled days feel so nostalgic?
There was joy and sadness...looking back, it was a journey.
No matter when, we were never alone.

In the middle of our graduation picture,
I'm smiling. The passing season wants to send us off, Good-Bye~

The petals of these tears go pitter-patter,
On these cheeks they flow and fall,
As we look up to the blue sky,
we breathe in deeply and start walking.

The petals of these tears go pitter-patter,
They're only as beautiful as you remember them to be,
Let's climb up the stairs to adulthood that are
right in front of us and wave our hands together~

Autographed Shirt by Houzan Cosmos Circuit Ladies

Finally I will blog about me winning this T-shirt (incase I forget in the future). Well, each team of race queens were introduced on stage 1 after another and they had gifts to be given out which were either an autographed DVD or T-shirt.

When the girls from TEAM TOYOTA KRAFT, or Houzan's Cosmos Circuit Lady (which they call themselves) came on, I knew I had to win this. Imagine going on stage with 4 Japanese girls! The guy asked what was the number of their team car and I quickly raised my hand and shouted the number, CAR #35!!!!!


The guy acknowledged me and asked me to come on stage to receive my gift. I shook their hands and posed with them. It was an amazing experience and I will never forget it.

Hontoo ni ureshii katta!
Ano toki no kimochi de, zettai ni wasuremasen~
Boku no taisetsu na omoide~
Houzan's Cosmos Circuit Lady (Aiko Hirayama, Keiko Ohno, Takako Ishii, Kyoko Miki): Hontoo ni Arigatou Gozaimashita! v(^_^)v

I wonder what are they laughing at?? (o_O)

All smiles for the camera! (^_^)

YATTAAAAAAAAAAA~ (ﾟ∀ﾟ) ~

I thank God that it was you

Since I've got nothing to do, I look at your smiling picture.

There is no lining up at the theater together anymore.

Even as a friend, I miss you. There would be no return for us.

When I realize that I am alone, real loneliness wells up and overflows.

I remember how precious the feeling of loving someone is. No matter how many times I move on, that voice and dream of yours won't leave me.

Time flows, but even when I have a new love, I would still think of you. The fate that brought us together and the warmth that we shared. I can really say from the bottom of my heart that I'm glad that it was you.

The future cant be stopped. It will come so fast that it's sad. Forever achieving happiness, getting hurt, all this happens when you love someone.

Can I not look back? Can I just let go?

How long has it been? Many years have passed and why am I hurting so?

Right now, I'm in front you. I need to tell you what's in my mind.

The long wait...waiting for you. Isn't it dumb?

It's always been like this. It always had to be like this.

Why aren't you asking anything?

Do you think i can do well without you?

I know...the last thing I could ever do for you is to forget you.


I love you... I still thank you for everything and especially the memories.
I love you... I just wanted to tell you this~


If this farewell is the beginning of a new journey, I'll smile as much as I can for you...

Where did all my highschool years go?

Yes, I've taken my highschool life for granted...so many things I felt that we could have done. I was just discussing this with a couple of my ex-highschool mates (Calvin, Jeremy, Marcel, Ling) the other day. Looks like everybody feels the same. Waking up everyday looking forward to going to highschool and meeting up with friends never felt better. Right now...you don't even feel like you wanna wake up to go uni. LoL.

I always knew looking back at the tears would make me laugh, but I never once thought that looking back on the laughs would make me cry

The last X'mas(2007), only a number of us (highschool mates) went back to Kay-Kay for the year end holidays. It doesn't feel quite the same like before. Will it be like this in the years to come? I understand that with time, we start to occupy ourselves with new stuff. Each of us are graduating 1 by 1 and starting to enter the workforce. Obviously, you'll be obliged to your newfound job and rarely get the "day-off" to spend time with family and friends unlike the times when we were younger. It is a good thing in a way that we're growing up to be useful people in the society.

My only fear is that over time we will slowly "disconnect." Jace sent me a Christmas card last X'mas and he mentioned about this issue. It never really occurred to me that we will eventually disconnect but after reading the letter and putting in some thought, the signs are showing. Our circle is slowly getting smaller. We have to keep the fire burning! Don't let the flame of friendship burn out--this is a shoutout (ahem) XD

To all of you my highschool mates, I'll forever treasure the undying friendship we have!